


The Spongebob Singularity

by Eggpants



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25276063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggpants/pseuds/Eggpants
Summary: Spongebob rides are becoming increasingly complex as technology advances. If we countinue down this path, what will become of Spongebob, his friends, and humanity as a whole?
Kudos: 3





	The Spongebob Singularity

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a little over two years ago and just now remembered it existed. I figured folks on here might find it amusing. Enjoy

_ 2D. _

Stephen Hillenburg was struck one day with an idea. It was a simple, stupid one; but little did he know, this thought would change the course of history.

The plan was to create an animated children’s TV show about an anthropomorphic sea sponge named Spongebob Squarepants and his misadventures in Bikini Bottom with his wacky friends. He drew up some sketches of the characters and setting, eager to see his idea come to fruition. He managed to convince some animators and voice actors to work with him, and soon, the first few episodes of Spongebob aired on television. The show was an instant hit, and it quickly gained popularity with kids and parents. 

_ 3D. _

Every great franchise gets made into a movie eventually, and every great movie is available in 3D. Naturally, after the first three seasons of Spongebob, a movie was in order. Hence, the first Spongebob movie was released, and families flocked to the theaters to see it.

But 2D was boring. 2D could be seen on TV at home. Who goes to a theatre to watch a movie when they could watch it at home? So to sweeten up the deal, the movie was also released in 3D. This event is seen by many as the turning point of Spongebob higher-dimensionality, because although 3D in itself is relatively harmless, it was the inciting incident that lead the franchise down the slippery slope of higher dimensions. 

_ 4D. _

Some people were still not satisfied, however. 3D was everyday. 3D was normal. One only had to look outside to see 3D. Some entrepreneurial men noticed this, and they decided to take Spongebob a step further into the realm of four dimensions.

Humans, as three dimensional beings, are incapable of visualizing the fourth dimension. This, of course, posed a bit of a challenge to the creators of the Spongebob Squarepants 4D Movie. They conducted research on how to accurately portray the fourth dimensions. Physicists and mathematicians were brought on board to help sort out the kinks. And eventually, after years of tedious study, the ride was made available to the public.

The theater consisted of seats, not dissimilar to those in a 3D theater, but there was a catch. Attached to the backs of the chairs were small holes that could squirt water at the person sitting there. Bubble and fog machines were also carefully hidden within the theater and triggered at specific moments in the movie. This ride became revolutionary, with many other companies trying to mimic the success of Spongebob 4D. But it didn’t end there.

  
  
  


_ 5D _

One day, an enterprising young Harvard student noticed all the 4D movies popping up and figured he could do one better. As valedictorian of his class in theoretical physics, he was demonstrating qualities of a genius and quickly mastered concepts even the smartest of his classmates failed to grasp. His favorite area of study, by far, was higher dimensions. 

He was quickly able to assemble a team to help him in building the ride, as they had all seen the success of 4D and the only thing stopping anyone from building a 5D ride was that nobody knew how to. Even with his superior intellect, rivalling Einstein, he struggled to create Spongebob 5D. But one day, it struck him, and when he revealed the plan to his peers, they got to work right away.

The 5D Spongebob Adventure theater was a modified version of the 4D theater, but with one key difference. The seats could move around! As Spongebob rode on rollercoasters and failed his boating exams, the seats tilted and vibrated to sync up with what was happening on screen. Previously, 4D was seen as the pinnacle of Spongebob, but 5D took the cake as the pinnacle of all human achievement. At least, for a time.

_ 6D. _

As a direct result of 4D and 5D Spongebob, the human race began to evolve intellectually. Only those that could comprehend these higher dimensions were able to survive in a society that became increasingly centered on these rides. Their extreme popularity inspired many young Spongebob fans to research higher dimensions in hopes that they would be the ones to invent the next dimension of Spongebob ride.

After many decades of zero progress, the breakthrough was finally made by an elementary school student. She was a Spongebob enthusiast, watching the show every night in lieu of her homework. Her teacher was very old, coming from a time before 4D, and thus did not believe in the value of Spongebob and higher dimensions. 

One day, the girl was watching an episode of the show when she had a sudden realization about the sixth dimension. She revealed the thought to her friends, who were very excited to hear this news. They banded together and began to assemble the 6D Spongebob Ride, and amazing ride that incorporated all of the previous features of lower dimensions with the added element of smell. Unfortunately, as 4th graders, they had little access to the resources necessary to build a proper theater. The parents of one of the children, who both worked in 5D theater construction, learned about the 6th dimension and quickly began to build the first ever 6th dimensional Spongebob ride.

6D Spongebob was just the same as 5D Spongebob, but at key points in the movie, specific odors would be released into the theater. It was pure genius, and soon all 4D and 5D theaters were converted into 6D theaters. Until…

_ 7D.  _

By now, most countries had invested large amounts of their science and technology budget into higher dimensional research. In some countries, 6D theaters accounted for up to 50% of their GDP. It was, clearly, an important investment.

Everyone knew that whoever was the first to discover 7D would become wealthy beyond belief. This resulted in a second Cold War between all of the world’s developed nations. They all attempted to be the first to come up with 7D Spongebob, but it seemed impossible. Until, one day, a Japanese research unit cracked the secrets to 7D.

7D Spongebob incorporated all elements of the previous 6 dimensions, but it added a new key feature: interactivity. The seats each had a set of two buttons in front of them. At certain points during the movie, the audience would be asked to vote on which action to take in a situation. They would then be presented with two options corresponding to the two buttons. Whichever option was selected by more people would be chosen as the path of the movie.

Of course, this technology was revolutionary, and Japan became the world’s richest country. Soon, companies in other countries began to replicate the 7D rides, and they swept the world by storm. For a time.

_ 8D. _

The world reached a level of advancement previously unthinkable. Poverty was little more than a memory. The world revolved around the higher dimensional Spongebob rides. Money had become meaningless; the only thing worth spending money on was higher dimensional Spongebob rides. World peace had been achieved, with every country banding together in a global effort to create the first 8D Spongebob ride. Nobody cared who it was or where they were from; the only priority was that someday, the next dimension of Spongebob ride would be invented.

All the world’s scientists spent their days trying to construct a supercomputer capable of designing the 8D Spongebob ride. Eventually, after decades of toiling away, the first model of the hyperspace computer was made.

The top scientists all crowded around the computer as it computed all possibilities of the 8th dimension. For days, its complex algorithms worked away and the GPU was close to explosion trying to render an 8 dimensional ride. People began to give up hope as the days went on and there was yet to be a solution. The media slowly started to stop reporting on the hyperspace computer.

Eventually, as the lab’s new intern went to finally power off the failed computer, after ten years of calculation, he was shocked when he entered the room and displayed neatly on the screen were the blueprints for the next Spongebob ride. Shocked and excited, he swiftly notified his supervisors and the ride came to fruition shortly after. News outlets swarmed the laboratory, and the second the 8D ride was released, the entire world knew.

This ride, unlike the others, would be a fully immersive experience. Audience members would wear virtual reality headsets that put them into a simulation of Bikini Bottom in a theater that contained all features of all previous dimensions. 7D Spongebob simply couldn’t hold a candle to 8D Spongebob, and the creator of 7D Spongebob was long forgotten. Truly, 8D Spongebob was incredible, and human civilization could advance no further. Well, until...

_ 9D. _

As with all previous higher dimensional Spongebob rides, soon even 8D seemed too small in scope. Theoretical physicists predicted that there were 10 dimensions, meaning that there were still at least 2 more dimensions to go before the human race could be satisfied. The scientists and the supercomputer got to work building a super-er computer, one that was capable of creating the 9D Spongebob ride. By now, people had long given up on trying to design the nest ride themselves; the human brain was too primitive to conceive of such a thing, and technology had far surpassed biology. Their best bet was to use a computer.

The world’s resources, which were becoming fewer and fewer with each passing decade, were all funneled into Spongebob ride maintenance and research. Unfortunately, the world energy consumption grew exponentially with each Spongebob ride iteration, and humanity was struggling to survive on the dying planet. But each generation figured this was a problem for the next, and therefore, they continued with their investments in higher dimensional research.

The original supercomputer eventually generated a new supercomputer: the hyperspace computer 2.0. This computer’s processing speed was twice as high as the original, and it had advanced higher-dimensional rendering capabilities beyond even that of the 8D creator. 

Just as they had before, scientists gathered around to watch as the hyperspace computer 2.0 began to calculate the optimal Spongebob ride. The computer, while exponentially better than its predecessor, was faced with the much more difficult task of rendering 9D. The hope was that this computer could generate the newest ride in a manner of days. Alas, this was not the case, and once again people began to give up on this computer. 

It took 6 years, but finally, the dust-covered printer that was hooked up to the machine printed out a new set of blueprints, and immediately, people set to work building the next theater. 

This theater, containing all features of all previous theaters, was the first to introduce the dimension of taste. Previously in the simulation, upon consuming a Krabby Patty, one had to imagine the awe-inspiring taste. Now, it was just like eating real food. This genius higher dimension, just like the ones before it, captured the attention of the masses and quickly replaced 8D as humanity’s greatest invention. But not for long.

  
  


_ 10D _ .

While hyperspace computer 2.0 was hard at work optimizing the 9 dimensional Spongebob ride, scientists were working on the next supercomputer- Mach 3. Mach 3 was largely created by a duplicate processor to that of hyperspace computer 2.0. Mach 3’s processor was exponentially better than HC2. Still, computing 10D is a monumental task, much harder than 9D. 

Though this computer still took a long time to create 10D, it managed to do so in nearly half the time. 4 years after scientists first launched the hyperspace computing program on it, the blueprints for 10D Spongebob were complete.

Out of all dimensional advancements, this was the most impressive in comparison to the last. The 10D Spongebob ride sucked its audiences into a real version of Bikini Bottom- not just a simulation. With this advancement, the need for specialized theaters vanished. Instead, Spongebob supply facilities were built. These facilities provided people with Spongebob 10D wristbands. These wristbands, when worn, allowed people to teleport to Bikini Bottom at any time. Once taken off, the person would be transported back to Earth. 

This breakthrough was celebrated by all. It seemed as if the Spongebob rides could advance no further. Surely, nothing could top such an achievement. And nothing did. Until..

_ 11D _ . 

At this point, humans could no longer be involved in the higher dimensional discovery; even the supercomputers had become too advanced for the primitive minds of even the world’s top scientists. By now, most of the things that once gave life meaning were now obsolete. Humans served little purpose other than to experience the next dimensionality of Spongebob ride. They whittled down their days within the 10D world, a world that became increasingly uninteresting each time it was logged into. The awe that was inspired by the ride on release had faded, nothing more than a faint taste on the lips after a grand higher-dimensional feast. The color had drained from the cheeks of life.

Eventually, Spongebob 11D was released. It seemed, somehow, less fruitful than before. Perhaps it was because it was constructed entirely by artificial hands; it was no longer an achievement of humanity. This called to attention the startling reality that humans had served their purpose. Machines far outpaced anything people could do. Evolution, a process slow as the passing of time in a universe devoid of purpose, could not keep up with technology. And this was a depressing thought.

Equally grim was the prospect that things would never change. Sure, the Spongebob rides could increase in dimension, but the story was always the same. The new ride would be built, everyone would love it, they would fall further into the rabbit hole, they would inevitably get bored, and then life would be an ocean of tedium until the next ride was made and the cycle repeated. 

So what was different about 11D? It included all features of all previous rides with one new addition: 2D Spongebob existed within the world. For the first time, nothing truly new was introduced by the dimension. This is what led people to truly ponder their situation, and eventually, everyone came to one of these two conclusions. Breaking the cycle was no longer possible; machines would stop at nothing to create the next Spongebob ride, for it was their prime directive and no human intervention could prevent something as advanced as the supercomputers from reaching their goal. The cornerstone of human civilization was higher dimensional Spongebob rides. The humans had trashed their world in the pursuit of a fruitless goal.

An unshakable pall of cynicism loomed over every aspect of human life. The icy tendrils of despair wrapped around the bodies of all humans, who were realizing they had brought this upon themselves. 

_ 12D. _

The next dimension was just the same as the last, but with 3D Spongebob existing inside the 10D Spongebob realm. Once again, the development was met with apathy at best. Humanity, now devoid of purpose, of meaning, withered away in theaters trying once again regain the feeling of truly being alive.

Everything the humans had touched died. Once great forests, lush and green and filled with creatures of all kinds, some big, some small, and all indescribably beautiful, were now wastelands of dust and smoke, inhospitable. The land was littered with canyons, once rivers, that now were nothing more than a slow trickle of a substance more waste than water. The world’s minerals were all but mined up, with quarries cutting deep into the Earth in hopes of finding metals. All resources had been funneled into two things: supercomputers and Spongebob rides themselves. With each new dimension, they become scarcer. The human population expands at an unsustainable rate; conversely, more and more dry land is swallowed by the ocean as ice caps melt.

But it is too late to reverse the blight on nature Spongebob rides have invoked. Some environmental activists advocated for using renewable energy to power the machines, reducing CO2 emissions, and leaving the forests as-is. But the demand for Spongebob rides far exceeded the demand for environmental health; no one stood to gain a fortune from the environment. Everyone figured the problems would be sorted out by the next generation, but as lifespans became longer, so did peoples’ foresight. They did too little too late, as the planet, on a downward spiral, was already on its dying breath.

The carrot on a string was no longer dangling in front of humanity. 13-dimensional computation, far beyond the grasp of even the computer that generated the blueprints of 12D Spongebob, was a ludicrous pipe dream for all but the best hyperdimensional computers, created entirely by other supercomputers and incomprehensible to the primitive primate brains of people. When all countries joined together to design the 8D ride, humanity was at its peak. Now, with no direction and nothing to bind them together, the world broke off into mutually hostile groups, constantly warring over the few resources left on the planet. Centuries of civilization reverted back to tribal times. 

Each subsequent Spongebob ride followed the predictable pattern, and the blazing fast hyperspace computers spat new blueprints out faster with each iteration. First, it was every year. Every couple of months. Every month.. Every week. Every day. The total processing power became exponentially higher, while the difficulty of generating the next dimension grew linearly. Scientists and construction workers could no longer keep up, and even if they could, more and more people were stepping away from Spongebob rides. The computers picked up the slack and began to construct their own theaters. Nobody knew how to stop them.

Eventually, the universe reached its maximum capacity. Some dimension, nobody knew which, had broken the fabric of spacetime. Like a virtual PC inside a virtual PC inside a virtual PC which eventually, seven layers deep, froze the computer, the most recent dimension had become too recursive. The established laws of physics seemingly fell apart as the universe folded in on itself, becoming smaller and denser until it eventually collapsed into a singular point. Billions of years of carefully choreographed randomness lead to the inevitable fate of the Spongebob Singularity.

Just like that, all things in the universe were sucked into the black hole. The page turned in the book of cosmos, infinitely big, with blank pages waiting to be filled. But all pages told the same story. All matter in the previous universe was broken down to a cloud of atoms, bound to nothing. And then, just as soon as it had ended, a new universe began. All the particles of the old universe were spewed forth from a white hole, just as big as the black hole of the old iteration. It was an explosion, seemingly spontaneous; humans today call it the Big Bang.

_ 2D. _


End file.
